u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
