Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
