His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.