theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.