OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux