She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..