she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.