Duck Duck Cougar?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
