I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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