I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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