I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
