I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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