What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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