I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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