It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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