I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
