You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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