Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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