just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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