New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
