Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
