Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
