i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
