I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
