Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
