hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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