My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
