we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
