Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
