brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
