the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
