Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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