I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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