if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
as a side note pls kill me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
