shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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