I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory