Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.