Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.