I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.