Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.