i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
