So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
