It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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