what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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