Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
