carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My Higher Power is John Stamos
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
