Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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