When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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