Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
