My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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