I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
