You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
