I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
