cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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