why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
