I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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