I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize