I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That accounts for only three of the penises
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
