You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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