Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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