Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
