I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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