She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
