I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
