ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
